So I have been in Dallas for two weeks and the job market is not looking so bright. I have been looking for a job but seems that either I am not qualified for the jobs I want or they do not pay enough money and things like rent and food are pretty damn important. I did get my severance which of course was NOT as much as I had hoped, but what can you do. I also got my first unemployment payment which is good. Hopefully I will not need too many more of those and will find a job SOON.
I know this will SHOCK some of you but I am really insecure and get discouraged VERY easily. Usually my Mom was great at boosting me up and making me feel better about myself and everything else…. but she is no longer here to do that, leaving me in a big PITY PARTY FUNK.
I keep trying to hear my Mom in my head telling me it will all be okay and I am AWESOME and MANY people have it a lot harder than I do, but just not the same. Here are a few things I a have been thinking about….
1. I am not extraordinary – YES I know shocking isn’t it, but I really can’t do anything that a billion other people can do just as well if not better.
2. I honestly believe if I failed to exist tomorrow no one would have much trouble adjusting to the loss. (Except Dakota who could never post a proper blog again)
3. I HATE looking for a job. I am horrible at it and more importantly SUCK at job interviews. I am just not good at pumping myself up. I mean they say you have to put your best foot forward.. I don’t have a BEST foot. I am me and that is IT.
4. I have no REAL accomplishments in my life. REALLY. I am almost 40 and I have done NOTHING. I have no kids and never finished college and have done nothing to stand out from the crowd.
So basically I am feeling like What’s it all about? and Why bother? I know most people fit the same bill, and usually it does not bother me too much but lately it does.
Now don’t go getting all freaked out.. I am not suicidal and NEVER will be. I am too chicken it would not work and I would live as a vegetable all my life, plus i could not do something that hurtful to my family. I am just down in the dumps and need to drag my ass back up to my Happy Place…okay so I don’t think I have a Happy Place, but I at least need to wrap up the Pity Party.
Well that is two blogs in one day…. Everyone should be happy for a few days anyway !
(((((Ter))))) I think that sometimes we measure our accomplishments by the wrong things. You may not have children or a degree, which to my thinking don’t really signal accomplishment. Rather it’s what you do with them You are a wonderful person and a great friend. That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment in my book. My kids and I love you. So hang in there! :cheer:
(PS It was about damn time you blogged!)
I’m sorry to hear you’re discouraged, but I’m sure the right job is there and you will find it soon. I know you’re a lot more qualified for things than I am, and will be glad to add my name to your recommendation list!
I am so there with you, honey. I have a suck-ass job that barely pays the bills, and I need a better one, but I know I couldn’t get fired from where I am (short of committing grand larceny) and I hate looking for something else. BUT don’t you dare think no one would miss you if you were gone, ’cause I sure as hell would. I don’t have much else very encouraging to say, but I will sit in the leaky boat with you. I’ll even bring chocolate
*ahem*
I;ve always wanted to see Dallas and maybe I should get there and drag you back by your scrawny neck? And then I’ll sick Fia on you.
I understand what you are going through Ter. I am totally insecure myself. Sometimes you need someone else to tell you that you are great.
!. You are extraordinary! You are a great friend and do a lot of nice things for people. As far as being able to do something that not everyone else cn do, well that applies to almost ALL of us!
2. There are a lot of people besides Dakota and her blog who would have to adjust to you being missing. Just think of all the yahoo groups, websites, and authors that you essentially manage, lol. Not to mention those of us who would miss you at RT.
3. Job interviews suck, that is the honest truth and yes, you are supposed to put your best foot forward, but they don’t expect you to be “wonder Terri”. Just you is just fine!
4. You don’t have kids? No biggie, world is overpopulated anyway. No degree? Who cares, why is it necessary if you do your job well without it? As far as standing out from the crowd, I think anyone who has ever met you would totally disagree, lol.
Now, enjoy your time in Dallas, some of us are jealous as hell that you get to go visit the girls ya know. The job will come when it is time, just keep your options open and don’t be too picky. You never know, that job with not enough pay could turn into a better one in a short time.
Awww, Ter, that sucks! I so know what you mean though and getting it out and off your chest is the best thing you can do. It keeps you from going down that dark path. But I have to tell you, you have brought me out of the dark more times than I can count, without even knowing I was so low. So you do have a purpose, even if it is dragging whiny ol’ Amy out of HER funk and posting Dakota’s blogs. LOL
Well I know its not the same as Mom but I can honestly say that I think you are EXTRAORDINARY!! And I know my kids do too. I know it is not easy and I can relate to most of what you say because I am insecure too. The key is to act confident even when you don’t feel it. Keep your chin up and I know the right job will come along. I selfishly hope that it will be in the NY area but southern CA wouldn’t be so bad (so I can visit). Good luck and remember that we LOVE YOU ALOT!!
I’d miss ya!! And I think that you are Extraordinary, so
So sorry Terri.
Ok I must say:
1. I havent known you that long but I love how you can put shit into perspective with a shiort one-liner.
2. I havent known you that long but I brag to Jim (IT geek) about you and he thinks you sound totally cool. (he loves when chicks know their shit). He’s hoping when we get to Texas to talk shop!!!
3. Yeah we all can tell you all this great shit, but its not the same as Mom.
4. I dont have kids, (never wanted em) and dont have a degree, (swore to myself, self if you graduate High School dont ever go back… ) Sometimes just being yourself is accomplishment in and of itself.
5. You have some of the most wonderful and loyal people absolutely love and are dedicated to you, that is an accomplishment.
6. I have a job that a monkey can do, (seriously). LOL
7. Self confidence is over-rated… LMAO. (I have none either)
Just sayin!!!
amy
Only Dakota will miss you? ONLY DAKOTA? What am I, chopped freaking liver? I would miss you horribly. And you know, you are loved and worthy and important. Now, knock this shit off before the BFFs host an intervention.
OK, that’s enough. You are incredibly wonderful, and nobody likes to hear an incredibly talented, terribly fantastic woman, have a pity party! You’re AWESOME babe! We LOVE You because you ROCK! And if you were gone, we’d never be the same. So chin up! You should start your own on-line promotion business for authors. You’d rock at it. Honest to the goddess, you’d kick ass! We’re all routing for ya babe!
I think the BFF’s need to do an intervention. I was going to say “raod trip” but I am just not into getting my ass numbed so I will just hop a plane and kick some ass.
I am not going to say what a flippen fantastic person you are because you know that deep down and with everyone else saying it, I don’t want you to get a swelled head or anything.
Now pull yourself up by your boot straps. This is all because you didn’t go to TX via IL you know. :googly:
well it seems I will have to wait for you at your house when you get home. Then the brow beating will begin besides i have been trying to come and see you forever.
{{{{{Ter}}}}} I hope things look up for you soon. I just started applying for a new position myself after taking a 6 month “vacation” (while I moved and got settled in NC). I left a wonderful job in La that I adored because it did not pay enough for me to live and meet all my bills so I quite understand what you are talking about. I hope that I can find something suitable here, but “picking are slim” in the job market at this time.
You are a wonderful person with many talents, so do not get discouraged during your job hunt. Sooner or later the perfect job will turn up for you. Plus, you TOO would be MISSED if you ceased to exist and by more people than just me!
Are you coming back to NY via NC?
Hugs, Bonita
What can I say that hasn’t already been said?
Know that you are loved and you are more than welcome, for a period of time, to have a pity party and feel like crap. But we WILL stop you when it goes too far. But we’ve all been there for one reason or another.
Chin up babe.
You are loved.
See I told you that you would make me cry…STOP THE DAMN PITTY PARTY!…Like Donna tells Zachary there will always be someone smarter or faster or plays ball better etc…that does not mean that you cant find a job and do it very well…the job market currently is horrible…ITS NOT YOU…any employer would be lucky to have you since you are very dedicated…and having kids does not define who you are…but if thats something you would like to do…then go for it…you would have a wonderful support system with all the family and friends that love you…and i miss mom too she was always the one i called with all my drama cause my life always paralleled hers…but know you are FABULOUS…and can do whatever you set your mind to…and if you look back things have been worse than this and you got through it…LOVE YOU XOXOXOXO
btw…i loved what amy had to say
I agree with everything everyone else has said Ter. You’re awesome and you need to start believing that
Thanks EVERYONE… It is not that I don’t think people love and care about me.. just that it would not take long to adjust to me NOT being there if that makes any sense. I mean I have lost people that I LOVED and miss terribly like my Grandmother for instance, and although I miss her a great deal it was not as HUGE an adjustment for me as losing my Mom. My Mom was ALWAYS there to make me feel better which I needed a LOT. I tend to be very insecure and down on myself alot which I TOTALLY see a a BIG flaw and KNOW that I should NOT be, but can’t help it. Somehow NO MATTER what the problem was Mom ALWAYS had the answer or at least made me feel so much better about the problem and myself. So it is EALLY hard to adjust to her not being here. That is what I mean.. people will miss me but life would still go on without a hitch.
EVA G… My neck is FAR from scrawny…
Michele I did not say ONLY Dakota would miss me I said she would not be able to blog anymore if I did not exisit.
Not so much an issue that I don’t have kids or a degree .. those were examples the point is I have no REAL accomplishments in almost 40 years.
Jackie.. you are such a CANDY-ASS for being my BITCHY sister…
Thanks EVERYONE.. I have the AWESOMEEST friends and I LOVE all of you. I was not really looking for all the nice things EVERYONE said although I am sure that Dakota will not agree with me on that. Just that I been cranky and discouraged and missing my Mommy and sometimes you just need to get shit out there.
Thanks for letting me piss on your day
Ter,
I’ve been where you are at now. Unfortunately, it’s a very common occurence in my field, (whatever the hell that is), and I’ve lost those who were very close to me. Not my mom but others just as close and just as dear who were there for me no matter what. It’s tough when they’re not there to help you get back on track. Just know that we all are here for you to bitch at, whine at & generally just annoy :tongue:
S’riously though, you are in good hands with Dakota & Michele. The economic sitch isn’t the greatest but you’ll get through it, of that I’m sure. And, if you don’t… :comeon: we’ll just knock some sense into you.
Thanks KAZ
(((Ter)))
Hang in there! You would most definitely be missed tons and tons. You’re an important part of our world!
Everyone has down times and its really hard to get out of them, especially when the shit keeps piling up. Losing a parent, losing a job. It sucks ass. Have your pity party and then put your big girl pants on and remember that you are important, you are extraordinary, you are loved and you are awesome.
Cheer up, babe, we luv ya!
BULLSHIT YOU HAVE NO ACCOMPLISHMENTS! You have been a wonderful friend, sister, aunt, daughter and granddaughter who has always gone above and beyond when you were needed…so stop selling yourself short!
Thanks Kim
Any THANKS Jackie.. were you just YELLING AT ME? :kiss:
Hello Terri,
miss ya
I am sorry that your feeling a bit on the “blue” side. It sucks but we all have those moments of insecurity, believe me, I have those moments more often than I care to admit. I have to say that you are a great person with a huge heart and you have a tremendous support system as you have witnessed by the many responses to your post. We are all here for you and wish you nothing but the best. Just hang in there, and take care of yourself
Thanks Nanc !
Miss you TOO !
Well hells bells, put me on the “what am I chopped liver?” bandwagon too because I’d miss you too! Us Terri’s of the world have to stick together, you know.
On the other hand, we all need a pity party now and then so consider this your pity party for 2009. Now, where are the chips and beer? Can’t have a party without chips and beer ya know.
Thanks Terri
Damn straight i was YELLING at you…so get home so I can kick some scence into your ass and feed you meatballs!
yeah , yeah.. I will be home EARLY next week probably Monday or Tuesday.
Although any of us are going to tell you it’s simply not true- the only thing I can really offer is a big hug.
You are more than the circumstances around you- ’nuff said. :kiss:
(holy cow those are some ruanchy smiles you got there! I love ‘em!)
No, seriously, where are the chips and beer? I need ‘em!
OMG! I just realized alot of your smileys are engaged in sexual acts. Gawd I am brain dead. Why have I neve noticed this before?
Thanks Zeek ilike them too.
Cause you are brain dead Terri?
Ok as usual Im late on this. You are very loved and Im proud to call you my friend (I can right lol). So what you dont have kids, I don’t either, and personally would rather have dogs lol.
I know the job market sucks. You might not have a degree but you have experience! That counts of a lot in today’s job market.
So on that happy note, don’t make me go up there and slap you silly lol.
Luves you!!! :cheer:
Thanks AK !
Listen up chickie !!!!! Everything is suddenly hitting you at once. You wondered when Aunt Elaine’s death was going to kick in, well……….IT HAS KICKED IN !!!! As far as accomplishments….the amount of time you spent at your job was an accomplishment and you were looking to leave long before they had lay offs. Remember they had lay offs, you didn’t get canned because you are some lazy asshole or anything !!
The average person’s life, is just that the average life. Not what everyone wants, I don’t think you want any of that of average shit. Have you seen all of these comments, having a friend base like that is quite an accomplishment.
Your family loves you and enjoys your company, believe me that is an accomplishment. Not alot of families have that.
Pick yourself up by your boot straps. I know, I know, who the hell has boot straps???????? It is an expression……
anyway, give yourself kisses and hugs for me. Take some vitamin C, to make sure you don’t get sick so you can come over for dinner and get drunk, then we will have Alicia drive you home and you can puke on her or something.
Love ya and miss you bunches, hurry home xoxoxoxoxxxoxo
(I tried to be bitchy, did it work?)
Kara – you can’t really be bitchy…I think you are passed that stage. You are too “mommy like” to be bitchy now.
Oopsy Daisy – Don’t know who you are but I think we really need to hang out…I like how you think.
Jackie – Don’t worry, Terri just needed a little attention (as we all do sometimes!).
Terri – as I said at Mom’s wake….I am a firm believer that your value in life is not measured by the money or possessions that you have but by the people who you have touched and who love you. Based on all of these responses I think you have been extremely succesful and should know that you have accomplished alot. We look forward to your return….even if you don’t.
Thanks Kara and Donna.
Interview went well … will blog about it later tonight or tomorrow.
you need a “poke terri” button
shouldn’t u give us an update?
:drinkto:
I was JUST thinking the same thing !