Okay first off fair warning to all.. I am not sure how this will go, but if you are wearing mascara or have no tissues handy you might want to leave and come back another time when you are BETTER prepared. With that said….
Today is one year since I lost my Mom. Trying to express what I feel for her is pretty close to impossible. I mean I can give you all an idea, but I don’t think anyone aside from her family and friends will ever REALLY get it. When I say my Mom was the greatest and one of the most special people in the world I am not just saying that. Anyone that knew my Mom could tell you stories of her love and generosity both of which could not be measured.
My mother never really had very much but that did not stop her from giving her kids almost anything they wanted even if that meant she went without. She had a heart as big as North America and she was not afraid to show it. When I was back in high School all my friends LOVED Mom. She was always there if one of my friends was having trouble at home and needed to talk. All of my friend have always called her Mom cause she was Mom to EVERYONE. When my cousin was too young to be having a baby and did just that anyway her parents fought to have her give the baby up for adoption. My Mom stepped in and offered to take the baby until my cousin was 18. Instead she and the baby came to live with us and Mom watched the baby at night so my cousin could finish high school and go on to become one of NY’s Finest and a terrific MOM. That was the kind of woman my Mom was selfless… completely selfless. Anyone she loved was more important that she was. ALWAYS.
I have gotten all of my BEST qualities from my Mom and I cherish them even if I sometimes get kicked in the face for being too kind and helpful to other people.
For those that don’t know me so well my father was a violent alcoholic and when I was 10, my mother took my father to a rehab and then came home and packed up what we could grab and took off for greener pastures with her 4 kids ages 13-9 and it was not easy. For many years my Mother had no bedroom and slept on the couch so her kids could have the bedrooms. My mother showed me how to be a strong woman when your life is crumbling around you. My Mom did not know the meaning of CAN’T. She always pushed through though not always gracefully but she pushed anyway.
When my grandmother was sick and dying from cancer my mother took care of her in her final days, it was very hard for her, but she did it anyway and never complained. Seven years later when my mother was dying of cancer I took up her job and took care of her in her final days. It is really hard to watch someone you love so much die especially when they are in pain and feeling like they do not want to be a burden to you. Someone you don’t know how you will live without, but you tell them that you will be fine and they should go be in a better place. Well everything is NOT fine, but I am glad that my Mom is in a better place and that she is no longer suffering, not just from the cancer, but from a life that was not as kind to her as she deserved.
Everyday I wish that I had her back.. My mother was my sounding board, my voice of reason, my biggest fan and my nicest critic. She was always whatever I seemed to need at any point and time and she amazed me with her ability to adapt and be JUST what I needed when I needed it.
I was lying in bed the other night thinking cause I ain’t been sleeping so why not get the mind going and make myself stressed on top of not being able to sleep. I was recently talking to a friend and said that if given the chance I would not change anything in my life as all life experiences GOOD and BAD shape the people we become and I REALLY like who I am. Well I have decided that is a crock and I would change a MILLION things given the chance. I am not talking about money, although having money would have been nice, but rich people have issues too they are just DIFFERENT issues. Hopefully none would change the person I am they would merely make me even better. I shall leave THAT pity party for another post.
I shall leave you with two song for my Mom… Enjoy.. Okay this version SUCKS, but I could not find a good one that would let me EMBED it. I dedicated this song to my Mom, Grams, sisters (Jackie and Donna) and my cousin Kara at my wedding I meant it then and NOW more than ever.
The second is Boys II Men - A Song for Mama… This song ROCKS and I can’t hear it and not think of my mom. Again I could not get the regular version to embed so here is a live version.
Anyway I miss My Mom like crazy, and I hope that she is in a better place now where she is treated like a queen and wants for NOTHING.
I LOVE you FOREVER MOM !!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOOXOX
she did a wonderful job raising you and you are a wonderful person.
Your mom was an absolute angel T. And she did a kick ass job raising you. And there is nothing wrong with you. You are awesome. You did what not a lot of people could do, which is look after your mom til the very end. You took a page from your Mom’s book and believe me that went a looong way in your Mom’s eyes and in her heart. She knew you loved her and did the best you could because you know SHE did the best she could. I can’t believe it’s been a freaking yeaaar. That is unreal. Absolutely unreal. While I know losing a parent that was as loving as your mom..you never get over it, but you deal with it one day at a time. And you’re doing a great job. I can’t tell you how brave it was to move from NY where your backbone is to GA. I salute you wholeheartedly. But that’s another thing your mom passed onto you–taking a leap. She took you and the fam and got away from your dad. Who knows what could have happened if she had stayed. So for you to up and go..that’s your Mom looking after you and being a part of you. She’s looking after you. Always. Sorry to “gab” on lol. I know it’s still hard. But keep in mind that she’s always in your heart and you are in hers. Maybe you can rest a little easier now that you got that blog out!! And I LOVE those songs. I’m glad I got to read that before I went to sleep myself. But like I said, you’re gonna be juuust fine. You know where to find me. Talk to you tomorrow:-) Big huggggg from the big Eeyore!!
P.S.—LOVE that pic of her too!! That made me laugh out loud –for real laugh!!
Thanks.. I LOVE that picture of her that was for my friend Dakota !!
You were so lucky to have someone that special in your life Ter. I’ve told you before but she seems to have been an amazing person. I’m so sorry you had to lose her. Wish I could give you a hug.
Speaking as a Mom, what an amazing tribute, to an amazing woman.
Hugs, Ter. What a beautiful tribute.
Hugs Ter. I only wish I could have met you mom but I know she was wonderful because she raised you. Love you!
Ter,
I am having trouble putting how I feel into words. Your Mom did a wonderful job with you, you are truly an amazing person. I am blessed to know you. What you wrote about you Mom is how I felt/feel about my Mom, it’s so hard to miss them. Thank you so much for sharing with us, it meant a lot to me that’s for sure. If ever you need to talk, please email me offline and I will give you my number. Hugs and Love to you.
Lynda
Hey you! The pic was great! Love the tribute too! I loved hearing the stories about you Mom. I know we’ve talked about her before but this put it in a different light! Wow she was amazing and I wish I had the privilege to have met her. I guess in everything you do in your generosity and you’re caring we do get to see her. Through you! You’re an amazing person because of her. I’m sorry you miss her and wish I was there to give you a hug. I luvs ya! My mom says you’re a keeper!!!!! She luvs ya too!
I love that pic of your mom, just shows how great she was!
What a wonderful tribute to your mom. I can’t believe its been a year already. Lots of hugs to you!!!
Thanks everyone… It has been a really hard year but I lived through it and am sure I will live through more
I thank you for the tissue warning, Ter! What a wonderful post about your mom and she really did an amazing job – you are a wonderful person and that too is such a tribute to her I think. I’m sending along cyberhugs
I miss her every day too. The picture really brought a smile to my face, in part because it reminded me of Grandma too.
I believe in reincarnation, and I believe that those who have the hardest lots in life are those that are closest to the end of their soul’s journey, closest to earning their eternal reward. I never met your mom, Ter, but she sounds like an angel to me.
(P.S. I didn’t cry this time but my throat hurts from holding it in LOL)
Ter, I kow how you feel. I still miss my mom too. You never quite get over that. But she still lives in your heart and soul and she lives through you. You will always carry a part of her with you–her love for you. Stay strong!
Love that picture. Reminds me of my own mom.
Thanks again everyone !
Awww…..I love the picture! Smoochies my dear!
Thanks Vic !
This is a beautiful tribute for an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing her here.
OMG not only did Jenny make my whole month by commenting on my blog, but my Mom would so appreciate her humor that it is a fitting tribute for this post that she posted on it.
Thanks Jenny #unblockthebloggess !!!
Dear Terri,
You don’t know me. My name is Diane Stafford. My maiden name is Weiler. I was your mom’s maid-of-honor at her wedding and she was my matron-of-honor at mine. We were best friends growing up…in fact we were the only girls in our age group on DeLavalle Avenue in the Bronx. Elaine and I lost touch probably about 35 years ago.
The other night I had a dream. I am a very spiritual person (born-again Christian) and the dream had me wondering. I dreamt about Neil Erickson. In my dream, Neil was about 17 years old. He was angry and sullen. I teased him and threatened to tell everyone the nicknames we had for him unless he smiled. (He used to always blackmail me when he knew something I didn’t want blabbed). Anyway, I woke up and wondered what in the world was that about? So, I said a prayer for him and went about getting ready for work. But he stayed on my mind. When I got to work, I Googled Neil and found nothing that could connect him to the Neil I knew so long ago. So I thought I would Google Elaine Erickson Smythe.
I immediately saw your blog which showed the dates of Elaine’s birth and death. I was floored. I thought this couldn’t be. So I clicked the link and there was a picture of my old friend. I would have picked her out even if it was 100 years since we saw one another. I read your blog about your mom and then about your grandmother. I loved Sonja. I used to wish she was my mother. Funny how when you are growing up, you see everyone else’s family as being more perfect than your own.
Elaine was Godmother to all my dolls as we grew up and I was Godmother to all her dolls as well. My family used to go to Greenwood Lake every summer (we had a small cottage there) and Elaine would baby-sit my dolls for the summer. Every once in a while, I would have the best surprise! My dad would come up to the Lake every weekend during the summer. And sometimes, he would bring my best friend, Elaine, with him and surprise me. It was wonderful.
I think we started to lose touch when she and your dad got married. Elaine was so crazy in love with Kevin. She used to say that the only thing she regretted about getting married was losing the three “E’s” in her name. We all thought she was too good for him, but obviously she wouldn’t hear it. I’m sorry to hear we were right on. When I started going with my husband, Jeff, we would be invited to go to your parent’s apartment for a visit. Jeff was not crazy about Kevin and gave me a hard time about visiting. Of course, I could not tell Elaine that, so I would come up with excuses not to visit. I so regret that now.
Your mom was very special. She was so full of life and she was an optimist. She was very smart. I was 9 months and 23 days older than Elaine. We used to love it when her birthday came because for 2 months and 7 days we were the same age
Although she started school a year after me, she graduated high school 6 months before me…and I graduated at 17 years old! She was really smart.
I was looking at your wish list for your mom. From what I see, she might have had a hard life, but she lived it to the fullest. She was loved and is still loved. And I know, that I know, that I know, that she is enjoying herself immensely sitting at Jesus’ feet and renewing relationships with those who have gone on ahead of her. When it’s my time, I will run to her, give her a hug, and ask her forgiveness for not being a better friend.
Terri, I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom is still very special.
God bless….
Diane Stafford